Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Mom said you looked used
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
