Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
