Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
