wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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