i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
