Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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