OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
