you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
