Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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