just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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