i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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