My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
