after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
