My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
