This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
