I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
