3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
