i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
