im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
