how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
