brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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