I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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