Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
