I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
