Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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