Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
