apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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