Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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