ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
