hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
