oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
