if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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