The maid of honor just puked.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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