He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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