how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
