Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
