You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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