Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
