I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
These tits shall not be calmed
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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