Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I can text with my tongue
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
