I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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