Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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