I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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