Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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