Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
