he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
