Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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