I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
