I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
