Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
